Audition

Notes

Episode published on Friday 11th of January, 2008.

The audition!

It's mostly unshaded and in black and white because I was up against an impending deadline, so this was really last-minute stuff. My method of colouring everything and then applying a greyscale filter is probably not the most efficient (or sensible) way to do black and white, though.

Tournaments often feature NPCs (Non-Playable Characters, like in videogames) your characters are encouraged to interact with. There were three Steel Nation officials the Doctors could have interacted with in this audition, and I went with Dr. Alba Bird as she was my favourite. Unfortunately, my meagre talents meant that she spent most of my pages looking like an androgynous man-woman, but I like to think that I eventually improved at drawing her.

Tagged: Auditions, Dr. Alba Bird, Dr. Ivanovich Gregori Romani Gyrode, Dr. Ralph Smiffington III

Transcript

TITLE: Audition

Dr. Alba Bird visits an abandoned compound out in the middle of the Nevada Desert, the makeshift base of two potential contenders, against all advice...

PANEL: Two figures stand in the dark, in silhouette.
Silhouette 1: Good day to you.
Silhouette 2: Allow us to introduce ourselves!

PANEL: A spotlight reveals the silhouetted figures to be the titular two doctors. Ralph waves his finger toward the reader while Gyrode points at himself with his thumb.
Gyrode: I am the infamous Dr. Ivanovich Gregori Romani Gyrode!
Ralph: And I am the esteemed Dr. Ralph Smiffington the Third!

PANEL: The lights come on. A white-haired woman in a labcoat click her pen and preps a clipboard.
Woman: I am Dr. Alba Bird, gentlemen. Please make this short, I have a very bust schedule today.

PANEL: Gyrode whispers to Ralph, covering his mouth with his hand. Ralph points at him accusingly.
Gyrode: Tetchy, isn't she?
Ralph: Leave it out, your horny old git! Make with the curtain already!

PANEL: Behind the two doctors is a large lump covered in a curtain. Gyrode pulls on a rope hanging from the ceiling next to him.
Gyrode: Very well. Dr. Bird, allow us to present-

PANEL: Pulling the rope causes the curatin on the lump to be yanked off, revealing a large ramshackle mechanoid with a skull-like head behind Gyrode.
Gyrode: -The Ultimate Electronic Abominator!
Ralph: Or "Deathbot" for short.
Dr. Alba: "Death" bot?

PANEL: Ralph shrugs, opening his arms in an expression of innocence.
Ralph: Er, purely slang, Dr. Bird. I assure you that we're wholly decent fellows!
Dr. Alba: ...

PANEL: Ralph locks his fingers together and twiddles his thumbs. Gyrode leans in to whisper, again with a hand in front of his mouth to prevent Dr. Alba from hearing.
Ralph: We simply enjoy a good laugh.
Gyrode: (Whispering) At other people's expense.

PANEL: Gyrode rests his hands behind his back, both doctors grin sinisterly as they chuckle. Dr. Alba steps forward to look at the machine.
The Docs: Aheheheheheheh.
Dr. Alba: ...

PANEL: Gyrode points at the Deathbot as he explains it, while Ralph and Dr. Alba observe. Dr. Alba makes notes on her clipboard.
Gyrode: Anyway, as you can see, Deathbot is built from the best in reinforced ex-Soviet military steel. It's powered by a combination of concentrated petroleum an an atomic core. It utilises two diamond-tipped drill arms, one "bolter" cannon that can be adjusted to fire a variety of bolts and shells, and finally a multi-purpose pincer arm. The head functions as a reconnaissance post, loaded with cameras of varying purpose; infra-red, night vision, etcetera. Finally, there's the mobility, which I'm particularly proud of: two jet-assisted Archimedes' screws. We can essentially handle any terrain, and all in the comfort of knowing that Deathbot is nigh-on impenetrable! All in all, Deathbot is the ultimate slaughter machine!

PANEL: Ralph angrily elbows Gyrode, who suddenly realises what he just said.

PANEL: Gyrode puts on an innocent grin, Ralph gives two thumbs up while Dr. Bird lowers her glasses with a skeptical look on her face.
Gyrode: Mining! The ultimate mining machine! No slaughter whatsoever!
Dr. Alba: ...Gentlemen, allow me to settle a few things.

PANEL: Dr. Alba steps forward, presenting two dossier folders, each labelled after one of the doctors. The doctors suddenly seem shaken by this.
Dr. Alba: I was encouraged not to visit you today, and to not even consider your mecha, if only because of your personal histories!
The Docs: Uh-oh.

PANEL: Dr. Alba reads from Dr. Gyrode's dossier. Gyrode angrily waves a finger while Ralph appears nonplussed.
Dr. Alba: For instance, you, Dr. Gyrode. You have been blacklisted by all the major worldwide animal cruelty organisations for..."using cute adorable animals as organic batteries in small robots".
Gyrode: The animals never complained.

PANEL: Dr. Alba continues to read from the dossier, Gryode visibly increases in anger, spitting his response and balling his hands into fists.
Dr. Alba: And several authorities want to question you for "attempted homicide"?
Gyrode: That damnable speed-freak anthropomorphic monstrocity, Chronic the Porcupine. I tried to eliminate him several times.

PANEL: Dr. Alba closes Gyrode's dossier and places it on her clipboard. Gyrode throws out his arms, still spitting with anger.
Dr. Alba: Why?
Gyrode: He kept harrassing me! He'd randomly break in and free all the little fluffy animals! How am I supposed to refine the technology if he keeps breaking it?!?

PANEL: Gyrode turns away from Dr. Alba in a huff. Alba raises a finger, annoyed.
Dr. Alba: Hmpf. I can only hope there are no organic batteries in this mecha.
Gyrode: None. (Under his breath) Couldn't get ahold of a bear big enough in time.

PANEL: Gyrode strokes his moustache as Dr. Alba angrily turns on Dr. Smiffington. A cartoon storm cloud hovers over Ralph.
Dr. Alba: And you, Dr. Smiffington! You're blacklisted on several European wanted lists for attempted terrorism!

PANEL: Ralph makes air quotes nonchalantly.
Ralph: I think the important phrase here is "attempted". I've never been *convicted of any actual full-blown terrorism.
*They haven't caught me yet.

PANEL: Dr. Alba seethes over her clipboard, visibly angry.
Dr. Alba: Bah. You've both invited me out here, to some ramshackle mess of a building to see your...oversized tinker toy, and expect me to allow you into the tournament even with your atrocious personal records! Give me one reason why I should!

PANEL: Ralph appeals to Dr. Alba with his hands together in a pleading motion. Gyrode raises up a finger above his head in a declaratory motion while stroking his moustache.
Ralph: Please, Doctor Bird. Forget our past misdemeanours. The reason we want to enter is quite simple, really: we want our respect back.
Gyrode: We are a disgrace to the scientific community, and by winning the tournament we could at least prove our worth.
The Docs: Please give us a chance!

PANEL: As Alba replies, Ralph turns his back and whistles innocently while Gyrode leans in with both hands in a motion of "me, really?".
Dr. Alba: We shall have to see, gentlemen. All I can say is, there's been a lot of news recently about technology being stolen from various military facilities worldwide. You two wouldn't be anything to do with it, would you?
Ralph: Nope.
Gyrode: I'm insulted at the very insinuation.

PANEL: Gyrode and Ralph watch as Dr. Bird leaves.
Dr. Alba: Well then. Expect me to contact you soon for our decision, gentlemen. Goodbye.

PANEL: The Doctors stand relieved. Gyrode has his hands behind his back with a surprised expression, while Ralph grins evilly.
Gyrode: ...Think she bought it?
Ralph: Hook, line, and sinker.

PANEL: In the only colour panel on the page, both doctors chuckle evilly.
The Docs: Heheheheheheheheh.

PANEL: The Deathbot collapses violently into pieces, surprising the Docs.

PANEL: Ralph is angry, Gyrode looks at him nonchalantly over his spectacles.
Ralph: It did it again!
Gyrode: Of course it did, we'd only riveted the outer shell together.

PANEL: Ralph perks up with a sneer on his face, Gyrode returns a Cheshire cat grin in response.
Ralph: How long will it actually take to get the damn thing finished?
Gyrode: Considering that all the hard bits were "kindly donated" from various military facilities? About half an hour with a blowtorch and rivet gun.

IMAGE: In colour, the two doctors laugh maniacally. Their combined smiley-face and skull logo are next to them.
The Docs: BWAHAHAHAH!
Narrator: Has Dr. Bird really been fooled? What are the real motives of the two devious doctors? Do they really think they have a chance of winning with a mech like Deathbot? To be continued..?