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Round 1 - Clash of the Russians (Part 2)

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Round 1 - Clash of the Russians (Part 2)

Notes

Episode published on Sunday 3rd of February, 2008.

Some might argue that a rain gun against a solar-powered mech is a bit of an obvious cop-out. My response is "uh, hello, mad scientists? Duh?!". I also realise that my paper-clips vs. electromagnetic pulse reasoning at the end is a bit ropey, but it works to a certain level!

I was incredibly lucky this round, since Tenkyougan suffered a massive setback in the form of one of his work files corrupting itself. This meant that he didn't have time to achieve the ending he really wanted to the quality he desired, giving me a huge advantage. Had he done so, with his unique style there was a good chance that I would not have made it to the second round. You can see his 2½ part entry in the bonus area.

You can see the first round matches and verdicts here, by the way.

On this page you might have noticed the little stripy tin-can robot thing. That's Ref Gregory, the third of the three NPC officials (the other two being Dr. Alba and Jeff Castleroch, as seen on previous pages).

Funnily enough, the Docs made a very minor cameo in another entrant's round 1 entry. As if by some sort of fate, I would be against their character in the second round...

Credits:

P.S. When Ralph says that he couldn't even get over the Gigil's big toe, I've referenced Asgar's spectator entry, which is half-correct: Ralph is holding a toolbox with intent to sabotage. However, the joke comes in that my opponent Tenkyougan made a comment on Asgar19's page saying "In retrospect, I have no idea HOW they'd sabotage Gigil. They can't even reach the upper half of his toe". That was fatal, because I'll absorb and reference everything when I'm in a competition!

Comments

Transcript

TITLE: Round 1 - Clash of the Russians Part 2

PANEL: Gyrode angrily pulls levers and pushes buttons on the Deathbot's control panel. Behind him Ralph is equally angry.
Gyrode: Nyet! I will NOT go down this easily! More power to the thrusters!
Ralph: You moron, you'll rip off our arm!
Gyrode: It is EXPENDABLE!

PANEL: The Deathbot's thrusters blaze intensely as its Archimedes' grind into the tarmac.
Thrusters: FWOOOSH!

PANEL: The Deathbot tears itself away from its own arm and speeds away, just as the Gigil's impact pistol collides with the ground where it was, tearing up the road and cracking the tarmac along the road with the force of the impact.
SFX: CRUNCH!

PANEL: The Deathbot flees along a road between two lines of tall buildings. Behind it the Gigil menacingly pursues, impact pistol raised. The scout eye leads the way, following in front of the Gigil and brandishing the Deathbot's severed arm, the drill still rotating having retracted into the arm's wrist again.
Gregorovich (from within the Gigil): Run, run as fasht as yoo cann, yoo can't shtop me, ai'm der gingerbread man!
Gyrode (from within the Deathbot): Smiffington! I thought you had a plan!

PANEL: In the Deathbot's cockpit, Gyrode seethes and points at Ralph accusingly. Ralph places a finger on his mouth in thought.
Gyrode: Or are you planning to just stand around and heckle my every move?
Ralph: The thought is tempting...

PANEL: Ralph walks away from the control panel towards the back of the cockpit, leaving Gyrode at the control panel, bemused. Ralph suddenly seems more sure of himself.
Ralph: ...but I do have a plan. I couldn't *sabotage the Gigil as I couldn't even get over the damn thing's toe, let alone climb it...
*See Asgar19's "Two Doctors" spectator entry.

PANEL: Ralph leans into a small brown box at the back of the cockpit labelled "STUFF". He rummages through it.
Ralph: ...However, I do have a contingency plan...

PANEL: Ralph hauls out a huge blue gun from the box. It has an oddly-shaped rounded trapezoid barrel. Gyrode remains speechless, baffled by what Ralph is up to. From the angle of the view we can see on one wall there is a small sign nailed up with the motto "An apple a day keeps zombie Lenin away!".
SFX: TA-DA!
Ralph: ...I'll be back in a minute.

PANEL: Ralph emerges from the back of the Deathbot through a small door on to a platform just big enough for one person to stand on. One of the MTX camera drones hovers nearby.
Narrator: And so-

PANEL: Ralph points the gun in the direction of the Gigil. The Gigil looks momentarily worried.
Ralph: EAT PRECIPITATION!

PANEL: Ralph fires the gun. It emits a long, thick pink laser beam over the Gigil's shoulder and into the sky.
Gun: BLAMMO!!!

PANEL: The Gigil continues its pursuit of the Deathbot across a bridge. The pink laser beam crackles into the sky and thick, bloated grey clouds begin to form and produce rain.

PANEL: The rainclouds devour the sky as rain begins to hammer down in force. Pink lightning begins to crackle in the sky. Watching the conflict of the two mechs from a distance is a white helicopter labelled "SN", surrounded by MTX camera drones. From this distance we can still see the pink laser Ralph is firing into the sky from the back of the Deathbot.

PANEL: From the open side of the helicopter, Dr. Alba points accusingly at the events unfolding below them. Ref Gregory shrugs.
Dr. Alba: Well? They're cheating! Disqualify them!
Ref Gregory: Sorry, Doc, no can do. Doesn't say anything in the rulebook 'bout changing the weather with a ray gun!

PANEL: Gregorovich presses his hands against the glass of his cockpit as he watches the rain hammer against the glass on the other side. He seems amused by the turn of events.
Gregorovich: Rainclowds? Ai did not know they cood doo that! But no matter, dis is vhat der battery is forr!

PANEL: Ralph stands in the doorway to the cockpit, holding the rain gun sideways. He is ecstatic.
Narrator: Back inside the Deathbot-
Ralph: I knew this Rain Gun(TM) would come in handy after my global warming scam never paid off! I *looked into it - the Gigil is solar-powered. It has 15 minutes' worth of internal reserve power. Think you can use it up?
*Wikipedia is your friend.

PANEL: Gyrode beams, grinning evilly.
Gyrode: BWAHAHAHAHAA! Welcome to my world of pain, Gregorovich!

PANEL: On the bridge, one of the Gigil's massive legs thumps down. Just ahead of it, the Deathbot swerves and heads back towards the Gigil, dangerously skirting the edge of the bridge.

PANEL: The Deathbot drives past the Gigil's left leg, scraping the side with its one remaining drill arm.
INSET PANEL: A red gauge labelled "GIGIL BATTERY POWER" is completely full.

PANEL: The Gigil wonkily spins around 180° on one leg, lashing out with its impact pistol. The pistol hits the bridge with a CRUNCH, narrowly missing the Deathbot just ahead of it.

PANEL: In his cockpit, Gregorovich frowns as he screams a long scream (screaming being the method of controlling his mech).

PANEL: Leaning forward, the Gigil pursues the Deathbot. Its impact pistol hits the bridge a few times, still missing the Deathbot which remains ahead of it. The Deathbot's torso has spun around to face the other mech while still driving the other direction, and the mech expresses itself with a :P emoji.
INSET PANEL: The Gigil's battery power gauge is now half empty.

PANEL: The scout eye lunges towards the Deathbot, brandishing the Deathbot's severed drill arm.
INSET PANEL: The Deathbot's torso cannon fires.
Cannon: BOOM!

PANEL: Dodging the cannon ball, the scout eye drops the severed arm off the side of the bridge.

PANEL: In the Deathbot's cockpit Gyrode turns a small crank above the control panel and presses a button on the panel at the same time. He grins as a green screen on the control panel flashes up a message with a BOOP!
Gyrode: Heh heh heh!
Screen: Now entering ARSEKICK MODE

PANEL: Leaning in close to the Deathbot, the Gigil lands another missed blow with the impact pistol into the bridge. The Deathbot tears away at speed.

PANEL: Landing another missed blow on the bridge, the bridge gives way and the Gigil's legs slide into the water beneath it.
Gigil: WHUT?
INSET PANEL: The Gigil's battery power gauge is now almost empty with just a sliver of power left.

PANEL: In his cockpit chair Greg taps on a monitor that shows the nearly-empty power gauge.
Gregorovich: Uh-oh, ai am lackink in der powerr departmint! Time to finisch dis qvickly with Ouroboros mode!

PANEL: Gregorovich stands and flexes as he yells.
PANEL: The scout eye raises and snaps shut into a probe form.
PANEL: Gregorovich's muscles bulge as he flexes harder. He begins to glow like when characters power up in Dragonball Z.
Gregorovich: HuaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA-

PANEL: The scout eye probe fires forward down the street towards the back of the escaping Deathbot, the Gigil's head can just be seen over the top of the destroyed bridge in the distance.
INSET PANEL: Gregorovich flexes so hard that his muscles rip and burst his clothes off of him!
Gregorovich: -AAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGHHH!!!

PANEL: The Gigil's probe smashes into the back of the Deathbot, penetrating it. Sparks fly.
SFX: SKRACKSHH!

PANEL: The Deathbot halts briefly.
Deathbot: ...

PANEL: The Deathbot turns and waves at the Gigil from the end of the street.
INSET PANEL: Gyrode cackles.
Gyrode: Yes? BWAHAHAA!
INSET PANEL: Greg, wearing the tattered remains of his jumper, is very confused and aghast at this turn of events.
Gregorovich: Vhat? Nyet! Imposchable!

PANEL: Greg sits in his chair in the Gigil's cockpit. Two large monitor screens are in front of him; on one monitor is the camera feed from the Deathbot's cockpit where the two doctors gloat towards the camera and on the other is Ref Gregory.
Gyrode: EMP? Please. Most of our main electronics are held together with paperclips, elastic bands and string!
Ralph: And we have plenty of those!
Ref Gregory: Can you continue, pilot?

PANEL: Ref Gregory waves a green flag. Dr. Alba looks miffed as she looks at her clipboard.
INSET PANEL: A dejected Gregorovich.
Gregorovich: Ai'm all oot of powerr...and my throat hurtsch...and ai'm half-naked.
Ref Gregory: In that case, I declare the winner to be the Deathbot!
Dr. Alba: Hmpf.

PANEL: Gyrode raises a finger, smiling. Ralph grins too.
Gyrode: You forgot my earliest work, Gregorovich. Keep it simple, even on the electronic level. To immerse yourself with technicality is to lose!
Ralph: And always keep a spare rain gun handy, too!

IMAGE: The logo of the two doctors.

CONTINUE...?

Notes on what you've just read:

  • If you're wondering why Greg randomly screams, it's how he controls his mech. No commands, just screaming.
  • Yes, Ralph has a rain gun. Why? He's a mad doctor, duh.
  • The Gigil's Impact Pistol uses battery power, in case you were wondering why "15 minutes of power" lasts about 6 panels.
  • As for all the actual tech in the Deathbot not held together by string not getting fried by EMP, remember most of it is stolen from various militaries, so EMP dampeners up the ying-yang, basically.
  • Why am I even justifying myself to you? Get the hell outta my office! :p